you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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