Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
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Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize