Porn is love you can see.
just tell him i said nine months
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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