can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
