Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
