there's paper in my vomit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka