i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.