Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."