Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.