I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
