theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
