Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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