The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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