Define "chronic" masturbator.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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