My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?