she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...