Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
