So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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