there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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