girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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