On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
