Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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