You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
