I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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