i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
