I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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