Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
