Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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