No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
