i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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