Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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