and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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