I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
