Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
