walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
