If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
