whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
