it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
