apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
