I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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