Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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