guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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