What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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