I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
