Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
