There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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