Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
