Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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