Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you will always have a special place in my vag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
