Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
