I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
