im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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