once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
