I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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