I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
