apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
