Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So apparently I’m into choking now
God, I missed his penis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
