Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
