Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
