What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
