did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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