Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
