gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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