Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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