Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
