Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
