I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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