R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
