i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
