Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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