I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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