I want to make a zoo with you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
