My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
