There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Vodka?
Forever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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