wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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