I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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