It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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