Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
