I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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